Saturday 15 November 2008

My Black Dog

It has been a while since I last posted so thought it was about time time I got back here to tell you why I haven't been blogging. So, the reason is that 'My Black Dog' has been paying me a visit. This is a term that I have borrowed from Winston Churchill. It is good to know that I am in great company as a sufferer of depression and I think his use of the black dog as an analogy is one that is very helpful to me. For one thing, I like dogs a lot, and this is how I choose now to view my depression after years of fighting against it, as a faithful friend that constantly trots alongside me although doesn't always need attention, so doesn't make itself apparent. But I know it is always there just as I know that I am the master of it. Sometimes it needs looking after so that it goes back to placidly trotting alongside me rather than biting me and this is what has happened to me over the last week or so.

It has taken me a long time to get to this point in my life though to be honest and it isn't easy to be so Zen about things when you're in the midst of it but I always try to keep in mind that everything must pass eventually and yesterday afternoon it did. I have to say that I have had oodles of help from one of my lovely friends EJ who has been giving me lots of virtual TLC this week. Thank god for the internet is all I have to say!!

I'm going to leave this here for now as my children need feeding but will come back to discuss this further, I think!

9 comments:

  1. Very pleased to read that your black dog has gone back into the shadows yesterday afternoon. I would loved to have been a bit nearer to you ... not only to be there for you, but maybe also for you to show me the fantabuloso markets and translated for me! ;)
    We are always here for you if needed. XXX

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  2. Thanks Alex, it really means a lot to know that you are there. I am also very happy to show you the markets here and to try and translate a bit for you!!

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  3. It's my pleasure....It's not a one way street you know, it helps me to have someone to chat to during the day too. You are doing brilliantly! Can't wait til we all meet up! xxx

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  4. Nope I can't wait either. Will be good won't it!!?? Thanks for being brilliant. It has been an absolute godsend for me this week EJ.xxxxx

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  5. Sending you some hugs (chocolate coated with a crispy biscuit centre) and hoping that your black dog stays out in the yard! xx

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  6. Sending you some loving thoughts.
    You're 'there' for others so often, it's nice to know that someone was 'there' for you when you needed it.
    Sharing helps us to understand and take the time to listen. Do ask. We're all so busy, sometimes we forget to just stop and check in with each other.
    much love
    Heather x

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  7. Thank-you Jerseybean (I know who you are now!! lol!!) and Heather for your loving and kind words. It does mean a lot. I spoke to a friend today who said 'why didn't you phone me!!??' to which I replied 'Because I was a cryiing mess and sometimes I just need to crawl into my hole and curl up/' It is so, so hard to be able to ask for help when you are at your worst but I do always know that one thing that makes me very lucky is having all you wonderful people in my life, so that when I do want to share, I know you are listening and as Heather says this goes both ways with me. I enjoy being there for others and I like to think it is one thing I can do well!

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  8. I only just read some of your comments and can so empathise with the inability to call even a very close friend and tell them how you feel or ask for help....it sometimes seems that there is a real need to be rescued from it......hence your online friends who I think are sometimes easier to share stuff with when you feel bad.....Hope you still got the dog locked in the yard :)

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  9. Hi again EJ, hope all is well, am missing you a bit at the mo... hope our paths cross a bit more next week ;-) I need to think about this rescuing idea a bit... maybe that is what you need sometimes, but not a very popular idea in a world where we are supposed to all be responsible for ourselves and where being a grown up means being abole to take care of yourself... I think I prefer a bit of caring for and being cared for.

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